March 27, 2013. 3 years ago yesterday, our lives would be changed forever. That was the day Kevin and I went in for my routine 20 week ultrasound and found out our first child was a girl and would not live once born. I’m sure every single one of us can share of the moments in their lives where everything changed. Where what you thought would happen didn’t, and what you never thought would happen to you does. If you would have told me 3 years ago how our lives were about to unfold, I would not have been able to imagine what God would do to redeem and restore such pain and heartache.
Today, there is a little baby boy, our firstborn son, squirming around in the bassinet we bought in faith 3 years ago. His name is Jaden Daley and he was born into our family one month ago through the womb of a courageous mother and into our arms through adoption. In the coming weeks, I’ll share our adoption story, our journey to Jaden. But today, I am reminded, the day after we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, how everything changed for the disciples. Their world crashing down just a day before only to find themselves in awe and wonder at what had just happened. Their Savior, alive, victorious. Truly He is our hope, truly He is the one we have been waiting for. That wonder is where I find myself today.
It is tempting to believe after significant loss that gain is proof of God’s goodness. It is hard to imagine that His goodness resides in both loss and gain. But it is the goodness of the pain of the cross that makes the goodness of the joy of the resurrection that much more, well, GOOD. And it is because of the cross that I have been reminded the past few weeks that Jaden is not proof of God’s goodness to us, but a reminder that He is good in ALL things. For the proof of God’s goodness is found in the Cross. What more do we need to know and see to be convinced that our God is a good God? There is no greater love than this, no greater demonstration of goodness that our God would take on the sin of mankind so that we could have life. And this is what He does. He gives life in death and life in life. He brings joy in mourning and joy in rejoicing. And it is HIS presence where true joy, true hope is found. And it has been His presence that my husband and I have come to delight in more fully, more deeply in the past 3 years.
That first week home, with Jaden in my arms I was surprised that I did not feel an overwhelming sense of God’s goodness, a child we get to parent and bring home finally here. It felt strange. What I felt was an overwhelming sense of awe and wonder at God’s ways for truly I did not believe it would happen so fast. But I was not more convinced of God’s goodness. It was a profound moment for I realized that I wasn’t more convinced of God’s goodness, because I did not need the Lord to provide a child in our arms to convince me of His goodness, and His worthiness in my life. I was already convinced. Those truths had been rooting themselves in my heart in the last 3 years, in the valley of the shadow of death. That has been the place where I have wrestled and found the Lord faithful and good. Today, His faithfulness, His goodness is in bringing new life into our home and giving us the privilege of learning to parent Jaden. The past 3 years, His faithfulness, His goodness has been giving us 2 little girls to parent for a short amount of time and walking us through deep loss. I don’t know what His faithfulness will be tomorrow, but I know He will be faithful. I know He will be good. For “He is at work causing ALL THINGS to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
I long to have Sophie, Dasah AND Jaden together in our arms, in our home. But there would be no Jaden without Dasah. And there would be no Dasah without Sophie and there would not be the depth of awe and wonder and adoration we have for our King without the children God has given us, without the stories God has written for us… is writing for us. Each of our stories are marked by joy and pain. And each of our stories have and we pray will continue to reveal God’s mighty power to redeem and His overwhelming goodness. For that day over 2000 years ago, everything didn’t just change for the disciples but for us. And it is because of the resurrection that 3 years ago the transforming power of Christ began to bring joy in the midst of pain, hope in the midst of sorrow, and life in the midst of death. Jesus changes everything and for our little family of 5, when death invaded our world 3 years ago, the transforming power of Christ invaded it more.
I pray you’d see a taste of God’s redeeming power, as you watch a glimpse of the story of us bringing Jaden home.